I narrowly escaped with my hair attached to my head.

Carrie Fisher wrote, "If my life weren't funny, it would just be true. And that would be unacceptable." I completely understand where she's coming from.

This story, folks. This story, I swear is true. And it all happened because I went against my morals.

I went to Wal-Mart.

( Those people are flat out NUTS. )

Lord, have mercy. Save me from the crazy people.