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A mentor of mine once said that raising children was a gradual process of letting them go. That at first, when they're babies, you hold them tightly, but gradually you have to release them, make your hold gentler and gentler until all that's left is your love for them that surrounds them.
How appropriate for today! It's the first day of Kindergarten (big school!) for A.J., and the first day of second grade for Ethan (He gets a locker. This, so far, is the most exciting part of second grade). Of course, there's always family drama in the Kindergarten hallway, so we by-passed that and dropped Ethan off first. He gave me the quickest hug imaginable (seriously, if you'd blinked, you'd have missed it) and began chatting casually with a boy he evidently knew, leaning up against the desk, looking as comfortable as one can in a room with primary colors blaring out at you from every surface. He never looked back. He's thirty five, I swear.
Aaron and I turned to go back down to the hallway of clinging children and weeping mothers, and does the five year-old wait for me? Does he hold my hand? Why, no, he does not. He walks about 5 feet ahead of me the whole way, never looking to make sure I'm still there. He enters his class, puts up his Spiderman lunchbox, sits at the desk with his name on it, and begins the task the teacher had for him to do. I put his nametag on him, put my face close to him and he gave me a kiss and a sweet, "Bye, Mom!" and never looked back. I have truly well-adjusted, independent children, praise God.
You know those moms? The ones that have to be in charge of everything? Head up every committee and control every aspect of their child's life? They're the Alpha moms. Me? I'm a Beta mom. I'm laid back. I enoy the fact that my boys don't need me to make every decision for them. I don't feel compelled to put myself right in the middle of their school lives. I really like the fact that they walked into their respective classes this morning, with no trepidation, full of excitement for the year to come.
So why am I crying?
Because letting go is hard.
All that said, I'm going to entrench myself in my "beta mom" personality and go for a run. By myself. With no one slowing me down.Then I'm going to write. In the quiet. By myself. With no one asking me to make them a snack. Hmm. I may not be sad for long, ;)
