So Ethan has started "Battle of the Books," whatever that is, and after dinner last night he was sitting at the bar, telling us about it, and leafing through his first book. 

Ethan.  I'm already on chapter 21!

Me.  Fantastic!

Ethan.  They're really short chapters.

Me.  That's okay.  What's it about?

Ethan.  It's about this girl that was raised by dolphins.

Me.  (head snaps up - I freeze in the middle of loading the dishwasher)  What?!

Nolan.  (Hearing the same thing that I heard)  He said RAISED.  Raised.

Me.  Oh, heck, no.  (grabs the book)

Ethan.  Daddy, why does Mommy hate dolphins so much?

Nolan.  It's a long story, son.

Carrie.  (mutters)  Not so much long as x- rated.

****
Sure enough, it was The Music of Dolphins, by Karen Hesse.  What the crap kind of sick-o writes a book about that?!  An award-winning sick-o, evidently.  A critically acclaimed sick-o.  You can read it online, evidently, here.  Harumph.

Maybe I should just write a book about something that I hate, and I'll be a published author.  Bunnies, owls, squirrels...  heck, lets face it, nearly all woodland creatures.  Or my terror of being buried alive (Nolan has strict orders to have me cremated), or Wal-Mart on a Friday afternoon, or the school parking lot (where I may or may not have played 'chicken' with someone this morning), or a month solid of children's birthday parties....

Or maybe, I could find a way to lump all those in the SAME book.  *shudders*

Wow.

The crazy leaked out all over the place this morning, huh?

Carry on, f-list.

So Ethan and Aaron went to church with the in-laws yesterday. This is the lunch conversation afterwards.
***

Nolan. What did you learn in Sunday school?

Ethan. (thinks) We learned that Daniel interpreted a dream.

Nolan. He did? Whose dream?

Ethan. Nebuckanezzard's

Nolan. (muffled laughter)
***
Ethan goes on to give a scintillating play by play of Daniel, Chapter 2. With different voices for King Nebucchanezzer and Daniel. I was riveted.
***
Nolan. What did you learn, A.J.?

Aaron. Don't remember.

Nolan. Aaron, you were just there.

Aaron. I don't remember the story, but it was in Deuter-hominy.

Me. Deuteronomy?

Aaron. 'Swhat I said.

Nolan. No, what you said was less a book of the Bible and more of what grits are made from.
***

Okay. Had to get that out. Now I shall work on my dgficexchange story til it's time to cook dinner. Oh, and the story? 4300 words and not an end in sight. Or a title.

Not too long ago, I agreed to do some newspaper articles for the Amarillo Globe Snooze about parenting.  They wanted opinions on different styles of parenting, discipline, family relationships, etc.  I said yes.  I mean, what else do I have to do?  They were supposed to call me and set up a time for the photographer to come to the house and take pictures to run with the articles.

So today the photography coordinator calls me.  He had all the charm of a can of tuna fish, y'all.

***

Newspaper guy.   I need for the photographer to come  to take some shots of you and your boys.

Me.  (opens datebook a la 'Jane' in 27 Dresses)  Sure thing.  When did you want to schedule it?

Newspaper Guy.  Today.  I have some time this afternoon about four?

Me.  Ummm.  My children are actually out of town with their grandparents until next Wednesday.

Newspaper Guy.  ....

Me.  How about next Thursday?

Newspaper guy.  (more silence)  Aren't you the one doing the parenting articles?

Me. (a touch belligerently) Yeah?

Newspaper guy.  (disbelief evident in his voice)  Alright.  Yeah.  Next Thursday.

It really took a little self-control to not say, "Hey, pal.  This is my first break in at least three years. Why don't you kiss my behind?!?  But I didn't.  I set a time and a place, and hung up the phone politely, and griped to you nice people.

*loves you all*

Freakin' Kids.

(Carrie is rushing around,  trying to get everyone ready for the day so that she can get home and sit her butt down and WRITE for the rest of the afternoon)

Carrie.  Aaron!  Where's your lunchbox?

Aaron. (Playing XBox Star Wars) Uhhhh...

Carrie.  (raises voice)  Linch box?  (All of a sudden a disco version of the Star Wars theme comes on.  Everyone looks at the TV)

Ethan.  Huh.  Look at that.  Lights.

Aaron.  Cool.

Carrie.  (Getting irritated)  Lunch.  BOX.

Aaron.  It's in the thing.

Carrie.  The thing?

Aaron.  The snack bar.

Carrie.  (thinks)  The Pantry?!

Aaron.  Yup.

*****

He WOULD think that MY beautiful walk in pantry was his personal snack bar.  Pthththth.

 So I've been running around like a madwoman lately, completely overwhelmed with getting things ready for the new house.  I try to get everything done while the kiddos are at school, but sometimes they have to tag along.

Let me preface by saying that it was really windy yesterday.  Really windy.  50 mph gusts.  We live on the high plains, and there's like, nothing to stop the wind.  (Like say, a mountain.  Or the odd tree here and there.)  Anyhow, I was hurrying Aaron along, and he was having trouble getting the door to the car open, because the wind was blowing against it.

Me.  Come on, come on, come on, child!  You're slower than molasses at Christmastime! (aren't my colloquialisms charming?)

Aaron.  Okay!  Places to see, people to do!

Me.  (corrects quickly)  SEE.  People to see.  Places to go.

Aaron.  I thought you saw places.  And did the people.

Me.  (under breath) Depends on who you are.  And who they are.  (To Aaron) Trust me on this one, kid.  Places to GO.  People to SEE.

Aaron.  (completely disinterested)  Okay.
****
And I'm completely with

jo_anne_stormon not spending a bazillion dollars on a sitter and dinner in a crowded restaurant for Valentine's day.  Give me take-out on the couch with a movie ANYDAY.

That is, if I survive Aaron's school Valentines party.  The Nazi room mother called me and I was instructed to bring fruit and juice, which is fine, but then she gave me step by step instructions on how to serve the friut, which included an email telling me to WASH THE FRUIT FIRST.  (Seriously.  Lady, this is not my first rodeo.  But still, I thought I'd leave the pesticides where they are.  Build up the kiddos' immune systems.)  She strongly recommended apples, grapes, pineapple, strawberries, and oranges (HA!  I used tangerines!  I'm a REBEL!)  The instructions also said to put the fruit on SKEWERS.  *cough*  Am I the only mother on the f-list that thinks giving a roomful of 5 & 6 year-olds skewers is a BAD IDEA?  Heck, I stabbed myself 20 times getting them ready.

 

We've been keeping the in-law's dog, Maggie, this week.


Happy Valentine's Day f-list!
 

 I find people watching fascinating.

Odd, because I don't like people, on the whole.

I've been sitting in the lobby of a large hotel in downtown Austin, TX, sucking the free wireless signal, drinking coffee and watching the comings and goings of the people in the place.  How different would they act, I wonder, if they knew someone was watching?

The concierge is charming and handsome, clever and helpful; he makes the women laugh and even charms some of the men (It's Austin) and consistenly rolls his eyes behind all of their backs.

There is a woman who waited for a man for about 45 minutes; when he finally came to meet her, he stayed for 2 minutes and left abruptly.  Her body language went from attentive and alert to sad and dejected.  I wonder what he said to her.  She left, face crumpled, a few minutes later.

There are the conventioneers, loud and boisterous, most of whom obviously think the world revolves around them.

Little old ladies here to lunch, businessmen here to work, a few couples obviously here for some afternoon delight, and they all have a purpose.  It's fun to imagine thier little scenarios.  There's a play in this, I feel sure.  *thinks about dramatic structure outline*

It's been a fun morning. Aidan (the laptop- that name one by a nose) has lured a few people over with his indefinable charm, and I even got asked out once, probably due to the fact that I take my wedding ring off when I type (I don't like the way it moves about on my finger).  I rectified that, and the cute boy ducked off, blushing, embarrassed.  He did leave about an hour later with another girl, I was amused to note.

I've been working on some unfinished stories, some Caliga (Poor Pansy! I can't believe what I've done to the girl), and I even dusted off my book and edited  the first chapter-again- half-heartedly.  :)  A good morning, all in all.

So. There are days when my emotional waterhose unkinks and I spew the pent up crazy on everyone. Thank you, hormones. Much appreciated.

Rather than bitching about how stressed I am and how close I am to the metaphorical breaking point and how I cried when The Fear That You Won't Fall by Joshua Radin came on the CD player when I was taking the boys to school (mad!), I have for you some memes that I've been saving up for just such a special occasion.


See now?  That was ever so much better than whining, right?

LJ is a punk.  That is all.  "Nibbling on the wires," my ass.

 So...  I saw people do this last year, and it looked interesting.

Instructions:  Go through your LJ history and copy the first sentence from the first post of each month.  

It's kind of like a year in review.  I had forgotten completely about some things, and smiled reading others.So even if you don't post it, it's certainly a cool exercise...

January - Pretty much all I did over the Holidays was watch movies...  so here are some good ones, and one stinker! 
February -  I do not even know where to begin. (This one was interesting.)
March - We had the first rehearsal for The Lonesome West last night.
April  - One thing I've learned from FIA closing, is that I spend FAR too much time on the forums and reading D/G. (Oh, dear.)
May - First of all...  I woke up today to NO COFFEE.
June - I've been out of town for nearly a week; (did anyone miss me?) we went to San Antonio on business/pleasure.  
July - I've wanted to do this for ages...  a cooking blog post! (I grew to like these.)
August - Crap news:  So I didn't get a role in Into the Woods.
September - Labor Day has been lovely.
October - So I am that type of control freak that begins thinking about Christmas when the Halloween decorations come out.
November -  I give you a list of products that I swear by, that make me happy, and that I use on a weekly, if not daily basis.  
December - I' ve been so productive the last few days, it's unbelievable.

So I bought stuff today.  A LOT of stuff.  I spent a lot of money that wasn't mine (or at least didn't come directly out of my personal checking account).  I think I got about $600 worth of CG's for the company Christmas party and 10 'girly gifts' per Nolan's request.  I suppose the wives aren't being fairly represented by all of the other gift certificates.  I have more to do tomorrow, but look at what I bought for me:


So I will be all kinds of cute at the company Christmas Party.  Where no one will sit with us, because no one likes the boss.  *sigh*  Luckily, I have other friends, and there are major perks to sleeping with the boss.  *wink*

So I'm at the mall today trying on that dress, and I couldn't get it zipped by myself.  I sigh heavily, and go out of the dressing room to find a salesgirl to help me out, and while she was zipping me, popping her gum and rolling her eyes, this little old woman (like in her 70's) comes out of the dressing room in this truly hideous jacket.  That's she's trying on.  I give the three-way mirror a glance, decide the dress is for me, (Because I'm a purchaser, not a shopper) and head back to put my clothes back on.  The woman smiles at me and tells me that the dress is pretty, and pleasantries are exchanged, blah, blah.  Anyway, she asks me what I think of her jacket, ( she was singing in a Christmas pageant, and had to have a  jacket tonight) and I panicked a little, because, truly, if she was my grandma, I would've ripped it off her and stomped on it, and maybe, maybe set it on fire.  It was that bad.  

I said something innocuous, I honestly don't remember what...  I didn't lie, but I wasn't exactly truthful, either, because that would've sounded something like, "No.  Exactly how many turkeys were destroyed to make that jacket?"  Anyhow, I get dressed and come back out of the dressing room, and the little old lady is standing there, looking helplessly at all these jackets.  The salesgirl (who by now has put on her ipod and is texting someone) is obviously going to be of no help to this woman, so I sigh and go over to her.  I helped her picked out four jackets that would go well with her coloring, and she went in to try them on.  I went to buy the dress, nearly beheaded the salesgirl (she would have totally never seen it coming) and in the mean time, the little old lady comes out of the dressing room and shows me her stuff.  After my transaction, I went back over to help the little old lady (who's name was Audrey, btw) make her final decision, and she started crying a little, and told me that her daughter and grand-daughter hadn't had time to come and shop with her today, and that me taking time out of my day meant a lot to her.   

And then she hugged me. 

So I almost started crying in the middle of Dillard's, which, you know, is really SO not my style.

And then I remembered that not all people are giant throbbing asses, and that I shouldn't want to be one myself, either.  

Merry Christmas, y'all.